Oh no, not again....

I pulled my hair back, kneeled in front of the toilet bowl, lurched forward and emptied my stomach uncontrollably. My lungs were about to explode, my head was throbbing, my fingers were trembling, and my breath smelled like.. like.. OK gross! This was what I had for dinner?

I flushed, ran towards the sink and gargled at least a hundred times before brushing my teeth for a good five minutes. I still smelled (and looked) like Shrek.

I staggered weakly out from the bathroom and sat myself down on the couch. It was 5 in the morning and everyone was fast asleep. The house was dark, which was errr kinda creepy but OK focus! Why is this happening to me? Was this food poisoning? Okay, no shit Sherlock... This was food poisoning for sure. But.. But... WHY?

Okay, think! It has got to be dinner. Daddy bought a new (ridiculously expensive) barbecue set the night before, and we were being adventurous to test it out this evening. So we had barbecued chicken and lamb and beef and fish and sausages (err ok, the diet plan - clearly failed). But, no one else had the slightest discomfort from dinner. Why.... Why was I the only one?

My stomach was churning, my head was spinning. I clutched my stomach, breathed slowly and fought the nausea by clamping my lips. Maybe I should relax. Okay breathe... I leaned back and closed my eyes. Breathe..... Hey, this was actually working. I didn't have the urge to throw up anymore. I'm feeling much better. I think. . .

OK wait.

Shit. Oh shit.

I didn't need to puke, I was going to......

My eyes flung wide open as I leaped right out of my seat and dashed towards the bathroom. OK OMG, like, super yuck! Okay think pretty flowery thoughts! Rainbows in the sky! Butterflies fleeting by! Unicorns flying high! Alright... I'm done! Phewww..

I crawled back to the couch and let out a deep sigh. What the heck is wrong with me? I've been up all night throwing up dinner as if I was bulimic. Was this what people had to go through to lose weight? Was this what they --

Hang on, if this was what people did to lose weight then...

My eyes flickered. A brilliant thought swept through my throbbing head. I shuffled towards my weighing scale and gingerly stepped on it.

What the... Oh my... This can't be true.

I got off the scale and stepped on it again. And again. And again. NO WAY! A smile crept across my face (despite the torture I was going through). This was unbelievable!

I LOST WEIGHT!!!

See?... Food poisoning isn't that bad! Yah yah, so you throw up (but with all the alcohol training, you gain experience) and then your stomach hurts (but with all the period cramps training, you gain experience) and you err poop (but.. cough okay enough said) and then -

Err hang on, what's this I'm feeling? Oh no.. I think..... I think -- AHHHH BATHROOM AGAIN!!!